|Kundalini Yoga Manchester||
I had a dream the other day. I was back at my parents’ old house in a small room that we used to call the “library”, because the walls were covered with shelves full of books. I was about to teach a yoga class in that room. People had already spread out their yoga mats ready for practice. The interesting thing was that Yogi Bhajan was also in the room. I have never had a dream about him and I never met him while he was alive, so this is a very special dream to me. When I entered the room, there was a person standing in the front leading people to do some kind of very strange movements. I just stood there dumbstruck wanting to say “Hey, who are you and what on earth are you doing?”. But could not bring out a word. I just felt this insecurity creep into my body immobilising me completely. “Maybe that’s how it’s done and I am wrong in thinking that this is weird… Maybe this is in fact great, I am just too ignorant to see it… Maybe I should just follow; I must be wrong… Who am I to know better?” In the end, the insecurity won and I took over and continued with the strange choreography. Suddenly, Yogi Bhajan started to yell at me: “What are you doing? This is not what I taught you!” Then I woke up. I think, he did not just mean that teachers should not alter kriyas (set of exercises), I think what he really was saying to me was that I should not let my insecurity immobilise me, I should not let my fear get into my way. Kundalini yoga teacher or not, in one way or another if we learn to listen carefully to our higher self or whatever you want to call it, we all double as transmitters for teachings. If we are blessed to receive a message (I mean the kind of message that inspires and serves others), it is our duty to deliver it. My biggest learning over the past couple of years was and still is (well, amongst other things) that IF I WAIT UNTIL I FEEL THAT I AM READY, IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE! You get the message, you go for it. You hesitate for a second, you missed it. It does not matter how great an impact that teaching would have had, it does not matter how many people would have benefited from it, if you miss your window of opportunity out of fear, nobody benefits and it will eat you up.
My sister Amanda is teaching a workshop in March about 'Being Seen', and this got me thinking about the whole topic for me and what this means....
I recently began the Tratakum meditation, when you look into Yogi Bhajan's eyes. This unique photograph of him was taken of him in samadhi. The picture is surrounded by an orange background. Its placed about 3 to 6 ft away from you in a dark room, with a candle in front of the picture, so it can be clearly seen and then you look into his eyes and he looks deeply into yours.
During my last meditation, he beamed at me 'Stop Hiding! Things just have to change!!
In this short sharp shock from him - I knew this was the truth beaming through his deep glance and I listened. What came next was a complete history of my life from as young as I can remember. I had always been a shy child, I really never wanted to be the centre of attention. To be seen, seemed like a negative thing, to be judged, to be really looked at really threatened me. However, the paradox, was that I did want to be seen but my biggest fear was the the other would see Im really not worth being seen.
Around 18 months ago, I decided to sell my flat, leave my job and go and live in a Kundalini Yoga Ashram in the French Alps called Le Martinet. I went there because I had a call from the depths of myself, and it was so loud, deep and resounding that I really could do no other but honour that call. I had many fears about doing this, as first of all I had no clue of what living in an ashram was like. Being with Karta Singh, (my teacher who lives there) hiding was not an option. A spiritual teacher is like life....he kicks your butt and wakes you up. You may really hate them for this at the time but they are just doing their job. The process of being there was tough, but it was always with love.
This reminds me of Durga the Warrior Goddess, she too has the energy of kicking butts! During this time, at Le Martinet, there is a 22 day retreat which is rooted in the Chand di Var ( a Sikh prayer). It is based on Hindu Mythology where Durga, the Goddess of War with the other Gods, slays the demons. The Gods represent unity and the demons represent illusions and separation. When the Gods needed help, they call on the Divine Feminine - they call on Durga and she rides in on a huge tiger....beaming and blasting Love out to everyone because her heart is so open.
Durga slays the demons with Grace and then relaxes within her Truth - because she is so in Love with Truth and will not compromise herself or negotiate with the demons. Her source of her power is LOVE, she sees the world as LOVE and this is her TRUTH.
This leads me to the quote by Rumi 'By God, when you see your beauty, you will be the idol yourself.'
This beauty is our truth, our innocence, our complete purity that comes from the divine, the creator...we are the creation! So why would we want to hide?
To be really seen is to acknowledge the God within, to see the other is to see their dvine nature.
A look is so much more than we think - its a blessing, to elevate, to acknowledge the truth in the other. its an act of rememberance and reverance of the beauty that lies within all of us.
I write this as I make my first steps in my new life, after returning from France. As I begin to sit on my own tiger inspired by Durga and fired by the Golden Chain (Kundalini Lineage of teachers). I encourage you to sit on your own tiger, realxing in to your own Truth, so you too can be a reflection of this for us all to see.
Sat Nadar Kaur
Kundalini Yoga Manchester