We are surrounded by noise; at all times noise.  Some noises we intentionally listen to, others pass by in the background.  I’m sitting in a café in Knutsford as I write this, feeling uplifted, in love with this life, this monkey mode of ‘work is play, play is work’. I hear the babble of fellow café dwellers in mid conversation, some deep and intense, meaningful exchanges, light hearted laughter. My ears pick up the chink of crockery as people are served by cheery waitresses. I smile at the banter thrown out from the owner who is cooking in the kitchen. Occasionally I tune into the music softly playing – it evokes both wistfulness and a gentle smile as I laugh at myself (with compassion of course). Love songs I spent my childhood listening to, dreaming of the handsome prince of my future, the love gained and lost and gained again, the heartbreak my future lover would feel if he let me go. Barry Manilow’s regrets for “Mandy”, Percy Sledge soulfully crying, “When a Man Loves A Woman” The Korgis wishful “If I had You” – No wonder my relationship history is pitted with frequent bouts of unrequited love!

Music is powerful, the lyrics wrapped by music are given extra potency touching us deeply, stirring up images and emotions (the best tools for manifestation).  Beat, rhythm, roulades, sound currents sweeping us along on a journey.  Punchy messages carrying even more weight when backed up by rich staccato; rage, ecstasy, grief, joy given turbulent expression with chaotic collaborations; potential for expansive openness and connection facilitated by the removal of barriers which is a natural consequence of being immersed in exquisite melting melodies and mind blowing techno trance.

You may be wondering by now if I have been on a trip of some sort, and yes I have! A call was sent out for one or more Kundalini Yoga teachers to attend and participate in a new venture, “The Audio Farm Festival”.  Although I had never held a yoga session at a music festival before I was compelled to jump at the chance.  I loved the intention set by the organisers for the festival to be transformational in nature. They wished to create an environment in which people could relax, let go, and be open to receiving supportive information, healing, and connection in order to facilitate awareness of personal development and responsible caretaking of the Earth and all of her dwellers.  What emerged was a beautiful harmonious collaboration of DJ’s, artists, musicians, healers, speakers, facilitators, contributors and attendees, with every single person bringing their open hearts, humour and love of life to the party.

Sound and music was very much the heart of the gathering, as such I invited Paul Adams along with his skill and knowledge of the gong and together we delivered the teachings of Yogi Bhajan, and the technology of Kundalini Yoga and the Gong.  We each contributed our little piece of semi-precious metal as did all of those who attended the sessions. We all placed our metal in the fire of transformation, and the result was pure gold.  The energy the participants created by immersing themselves in the process was amazing to witness. Radiance is a powerful word yet doesn’t do justice to glow created in our little marquee.  The focus was very much on the use of The Naad to create an uplifting healing experience; careful choice of music and mantra, the skilful application of the gong, and gentle support to encourage everyone to use their own voice resulted in great potency.  The feedback suggested that the work was done - people had been reconnected to their own sense of energy flow and openness.  What an honour it was to facilitate such a beautiful experience.

My heartfelt thanks to Michael Williams for inviting we yogis along to a wonderful festival, and to his fellow farmers - Andrew Taylor, Stephen Chesters, James Hollowood, Anthony Blake & Dawn Kendal - for making it happen.

As a parent to a teenager I have come to accept that one of my functions in my daughter’s life is to be an alarm clock. I have also come to accept that my cheery morning call of “Good morning angel, time to rise and shine” will be consistently met with a grunt of disapproval, a few groans in classic cave-girl style followed by sharing the next few minutes up to an hour with a primeval version of Lottee until she is actually ready to wake up fully – usually mid-morning whilst at school.  I’m sure this will be a familiar picture to most parents and if we are honest, we know that we too as adults still have our cave-man-don’t-wanna-wake-up moments.

I was reading another blog the other day, it was very inspirational, about this chaps journey to finding ‘the truth’ – after a long search and exploration of many religious/spiritual paths he found the teachings of Jesus and the Cosmic Christ path was the one that finally answered his deeper questions.  I really resonated with a lot of what he said. He spoke of devotion, discipline, purity and the embracement of sacredness in everything, and ultimately of the importance of us waking up to our Divine Human selves. He ended by imparting a sense of great urgency, we have to act now or suffer the consequences of hellish pain, “…we all have to realize is that it is one minute to midnight. We don’t have time to take a less glorious adventure…”  And this is the part that took me into a deeper reflection of my own truth around waking up.

I can imagine a blog such as his speaking loud and clear to those who are already awake, who have already done much of the work we need to do (or allow to be done) and who are refreshed with bright eyes looking at the teacher ready for the next part (mid-morning phase). It’s a very motivational piece of writing for those who are already on the start line. However, many of us are only just rubbing our eyes and stretching – we are coming out of our slumber in a steady organic fashion that allows a gentle awakening into readiness for action. We are each of us on our own journey, and maybe we are all heading the same way, but I feel it is of paramount importance that we find our own way in our own time.  We can take in the road signs and follow clues and cues where appropriate, but I do get an uncomfortable feeling when someone jumps out shouting “This way! This is THE way” and even more so when there’s an added cry of “NOW! You have to do this NOW!”

There is a truth in the urgency, there is a reality in which the “one minute to midnight” analogy is accurate – we are in the midst of a shift in energy, a rise in consciousness, and there is much unrest, discomfort and challenge in the world as the changes take place. Going back to the image of midnight on a clock face, in my reality once we reach midnight, the clock strikes (silently these days) the minute hand rests momentarily, then it moves on to being a minute past midnight… And on it goes. The next cycle begins with such smoothness, no effort required it simply flows IF we allow it to. A picture of the panic of folk believing it is the end of the world just flashed to mind, all that chaos, screeching, shouting – the trauma of it all.  And then the sun rises on the next day, the world hasn’t ended, panic over, and folk are feeling a little bit silly and goofy for believing chicken-little yet again.

My personal belief is if we are forced to wake up before we are ready we will be of little use to anyone including ourselves, wandering around half asleep in a foul mood grunting and snorting at anyone who dares to waft any cheeriness in our direction. If we are led by the nose by a well-meaning enthusiast encouraging us to go the same way as they went because it worked out great for them, we may well miss the experiences that are vital for our own evolution. If we attempt to jump ahead and embrace the Divine Human before learning what it is to be a Human Human we will miss out on the building blocks that create the foundation of compassion, acceptance and empathy which are fundamental if we are ever going to truly be of service to others as they begin to wake up with bleary but willing eyes. I do believe in putting our wisdom and love into action and I see this being done every day by people at every level of life, from the mundane to the sublime, and it all counts. From the great spiritual teachers who go to great lengths in making personal sacrifices so they can impart their knowledge to us; to the grandma who holds her grandchild’s hand and keeps him safe as he crosses the road. No role in life is lesser or greater, the human-human is as needed here as the divine-human.

I am grateful to have read the blog and to have been motivated to really ponder what truth lies at my core right now. My opinion and truth is likely to change as my understanding deepens and develops, but for now I choose to keep the ‘Alarm Clock’ function for the sole use of getting Lottee to school on time; as for spiritual evolution and being in service, I prefer a natural gentle awakening which will occur as surely and organically as the sun rising in the sky. Sat nam ♥

As I sit weeping with the depth of aching grief triggered by watching a short video of a remarkable reunion, I wonder… What is at the core of this grief? My thoughts turn to my little cat Tinks who is now being cared for by friends of mine, I had to say my goodbyes to her following a house move, I cry some more. And I reflect on the intensity of emotion that rises in me when I think of the animals in my life that I formed a bond with, the intensity of the bond. How did I establish such a deep union with these little furry things that don’t speak my language?

Looking at the video again and the answer is so clear. As the guy comes into contact with this beautiful powerful gorilla he approaches with respect, he meets with the gorilla on the gorilla’s terms. Using the appropriate body language he is able to communicate with absolute love, and the love is returned two-fold. The result is a heart-melting moment of deep connection, the fundamental needs of such connection are impossible to miss. Acceptance, trust, open hearted contact, an intimacy of deep deep emotional merger, and less obvious… the vibrational harmony between man’s and gorilla’s energy fields allowing for intuitive and instinctive knowingness.

My thoughts return to little Tinks, I ponder how our relationship developed. I remember sitting with her on my tummy as a kitten and her gazing into my eyes, I gazed back and silently and verbally told her time and time again “you are safe, I love you”. I played with her on her terms, getting down on the floor, rolling and stretching alongside her (which later meant that when I got on the floor to do yoga she would join in!) We played chase and hunted one another, hiding behind furniture and pouncing out. She would also invite me deeper into her world by bringing live mice home for me to play catch with – not that I particularly enjoyed this leisure time activity, especially not at 3am. I would throw hair bands and cable ties for her to catch, we crossed over into the dog realm for this as ‘fetch’ became one of her favourite games. Throughout it all I allowed her to feel safe, never intentionally causing her pain, never shouting aggressively, and always making loving cuddles and contact available, not to mention food.

The point being that to enable these animals to feel safe enough to connect with us, we have to meet them at their level and hold loving intent in our hearts while doing so.

So where was that deeply aching grief welling up from? The core of the pain was the disconnection I often feel with fellow humans. At our cores we all yearn for deep connection, yet our layers of wounding and conditioning holds us at a distance, even (and sometimes especially) from our family members. We are often so concerned with getting it right for others, based on what we think they might want from us mingled with childhood experiences of trial and error, being intermittent ‘good’ children and ‘naughty’ children, that we unintentionally are coming from a place of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of punishment, fear of judgment, of humiliation, of causing or receiving offense, of seeming foolish, arrogant and on and on. Or maybe we don’t sense the fear but instead push outwards from a defensive place, choosing not to connect and fooling ourselves into believing we don’t need to feel unity with fellow humans. Or maybe we have bought into the illusion of ‘survival of the fittest’ and believe we are in competition with everyone around us.

My sense is that it is time to stop, time to tune into what is going on for ourselves, to dig deep and find what our unique patterning is that is preventing deeper connection, and then to nurture ourselves out of it by practicing a new way of being. As we move forward into the new era, one of humanity and service to others, we have to establish better communication, deeper connections, openness of heart, and trustful relationships. The age old truth is that we cannot change another person, but we can change ourselves and choose to relate to others from this place of love, respect, of willingness to meet with the other on their terms, somebody has to go first! I am reminded of a lesson highlighted for me in a beautiful relationship – we had reached stalemate; I was feeling that I couldn’t show the whole of myself to this man without him first demonstrating that he would accept me as I was, I needed to feel safe, secure and held by him. He in turn couldn’t offer that level of acceptance and therefore security without first seeing the whole of who I am. It’s a universal stalemate that occurs between the masculine and feminine, David Deida writes about it in his book ‘Blue Truth’. The relationship didn’t survive but it did propel me into a yearlong journey of looking at my fears around being seen, and how that impacted on others, how distant and disconnected I could feel to others and the pain that the disconnection caused both me and them, and finally what I was denying the world by hiding myself. Amongst other things, I was denying merger, union… Yoga!

So as I sit with the sorrow, recognising the pain of disconnection whilst seeing before me an example of immensely beautiful union, I feel the pain soften and shift. Hope wells up, beyond the hope a deeper belief, the belief is that we do, as humans have the capacity to establish the connection we yearn for. It will take a little practice but we have so many resources to draw upon, including our relationships with the animal kingdom where the potential for deep healing lies. I urge you to watch the video, allow your heart to be touched and melted, and embrace the belief that you and I can and will share loving connection and human union.

A little while ago I was given the opportunity and idea to write a fairy tale. The fairy tale was to be a little different in that it was to be about me, a thread or two of my life from beginning to now, and it was not to have an ending… Not yet! The process of reflection, writing and then sharing the story with a group of beautiful women was one of the most profound and powerful experiences I’ve had. It takes courage to share our creativity, more courage to be seen and heard speaking of ourselves, and yet more courage to read the truth of the story and see the deeper unfolding of our life to present day. I’m now taking another gulp of courage and choosing to share my story with a much wider audience, knowing that I am not granted the same level of protection from judgement or criticism as I had within the circle of women. I am choosing this in the hope that it may inspire others to go through the same writing process, and if you can, to read out your creation to a circle of loved friends. You will be amazed at what beauty and wisdom your story holds, and how deeply it impacts on those who hear it. Write forth with grace and courage…

The Story Of Amanda

Once upon a long time ago, there lived a little girl named Amanda, and although Amanda was not born in a castle or palace, her Mother and Father believed her to be their princess, a largely tatty, messy and boyish princess, but special to them all the same.

One sunny day Amanda went for a stroll in the woods, while out in the woods she came across a fallen tree covered in silky green moss. The bend in the trunk made a perfect place to perch a small bottom, so upon the trunk Amanda sat. As Amanda sat, eyes closed, sensing the gentle breeze on her skin, hearing birdsong and small scurrying animals and insects busying around in the ground, she found herself experiencing magic. Without words, the trees and flowers, animals and insects, seemed to somehow reach out to her, or she to them, and for a short while Amanda was a tree, was a bird flying above, she was a worm pushing its way through dank cool earth. Amanda was instantaneously connected to all living things, she was spirit flowing freely with life, she knew what God was and it was not what she had been told it was at church, at home or at school. The Earth itself held her gently and urged her to remember to come back to this place anytime life as a human felt too challenging to bear. Amanda heard a whisper on the wind, it was the echo of a time long ago, an ancient wisdom told in symbols. A sacred wisdom that had to be remembered in order to allow the future to flow. Rolling her eyes to the skies, Amanda sighed, “c’mon guys, I’m six years old, that’ll have to go on the back-burner for now!”

And up she jumped and skipped and tripped and clumsily danced her way home.

There were many times in Amanda’s young life that she found herself taking refuge in gardens and country lanes, in fields and next to streams in woodland. Life amongst the human’s was tricky, people told lies, their mouths spoke words that simply did not match what their energy was saying. The children she shared her days with at school played games of the not-so-fun kind, they were cruel, bullying, fighting with one another for power and attention. Amanda was not happy here, not comfortable in this awkward gangly body of hers. People were confusing to her, she felt an absolute love for all things, for everything found in nature, this included humans, but she could never feel the love being returned. So Amanda sat, as the Earth had previously urged her, and connected with something bigger, something ever flowing with the energy of love and this connection kept her strong and capable, in a small and fearful way.

Then one day, Amanda’s father surprised her by finally allowing her to do something she had been begging to do for as long as she could remember… He allowed her to go with him on a bike ride with a big cycling club. On this huge day of adventure, her little legs pushed her peddles for twenty miles over hills and into valleys. Amanda met with a group of teenagers, who, unlike the children of the unhappy school variety, accepted Amanda just as she was. They didn’t pick out her freckled face and gappy teeth as something ugly or weird, they didn’t comment on her spindly legs or puppy fat tummy. Instead they were interested to hear her thoughts, they found the jokes she told funny, they gave her jovial little hugs, and they told her they hoped she would be back next week. And she was, and the week after, and the week after that. Amanda grew with this group of companions throughout her teenage years and into her twenties, and in amongst this group Amanda found her first Prince Charming, and her second, and third, well, a few really (she was in her teens after all!)

One Prince Charming was a little more persistent than the others, to the point that on another day, a long time ago, Amanda married this Prince… But far from the happy ending as found in so many Fairy Tales, this was simply the beginning of another adventure into the complexities of human relationship. So long and complex was this adventure that it requires a little side-step, a different tangent, a story within a story, so here it is:

Once Upon a Golden Time there was a little girl, who dreamed her dreams of Kings and Queens and sparkling never-worlds....

I met you as a tender teen and swore I'd found my prince
I clung on tight through rough rebukes that turned my brain to mince
I wore your ring too readily tho t'was heavy with rejection
The icy looks of pure disdain took place of sweet affection
All those hopes and dreams and needs and lists of expectations
Were ripped and torn and unfulfilled, stamped out with condemnation
You too my Prince were led astray by the given label “wife”
I did not fit the category so burdened all your life
Until the day I spat you out, frustrated with suppression
The victim turned from whining cow deep seated in depression
To fearsome feline, like cornered cat I hissed and scratched and bit
I thought I'd share my battle scars and gave you wounds to lick
The ring was tossed into the night in furious bid for freedom
My heart did bleed as did my eyes with tears for all years stolen
The fairy-tales of Kings and Queens were bitter in my mouth
I ripped them out, with my tongue, and buried them along with my youth
Encased in brittle cast iron shell I found my independence
With self-sufficient warrior soul I kicked against dependence
I stood so strong, a tower of might cascading through the world
I took God's love in place of man's and entered a spiritual swirl
And in that swirl I opened up and tasted all the lessons
In awe I gazed into your soul and recognised your blessings
Through you and others who have since been I have learned of many things
Of what love is, of what love is not, of truth and how life sings
Of challenge, of joy, of peace, of hate, of Oneness with all souls
Of the illusion of expectations, and of the beauty as grace unfolds...

Once upon a Golden time there is a wiser Queen, who dreams life's dreams, who flows with love, who is now ready for her King.

And so to present day…. Amanda is now all grown up, well, nearly, and is hearing the whisper on the wind once more, a whisper of intangible truths given in etheric symbols. Now she rolls her eyes to her third eye and says to the world ‘ok guys, bring it on!’ Although Amanda can only sense a hint of what this may mean, she is willing to go there, wherever there may be, and be whatever she is, in order to bring forth the ancient past to support the flow into the future. The future that is yet to be written…

This is not the end!

I am a painfully shy person. A nightmare situation for me would be to find myself centre-stage with the spot light on me, and an audience of expectant faces looking in my direction waiting to hear what I have to say… Arrrrrgghhh!! Stage fright, brain freeze, and forget performance anxiety, we are talking performance terror here. For years I have fought this part of me, tried to find ways to heal it. I’ve read Susan Jeffers ‘Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway’, I’ve had hypnotherapy to increase my confidence, been to healers and counsellors to eradicate it, had pep-talks from motivational speakers, everything to remove the irritating hindrance that stops me from stepping up to the mark fully in life… Or does it?

Another aspect of my character is quite the opposite, this aspect dreams of centre stage, has a fantasy of appearing on the top spot of Jonathan Ross’s TV show. This is the part of me that grabs the shyness by the hand and forces her to face students and workshop attendees whether she likes it or not. She is absolutely sure she has the capacity to dazzle the nation with her wit and wisdom – she is a little egocentric, well, ok, she is HUGELY egocentric but I like her and welcome her, yet can’t quite allow her the extent of fame she desires due to the shyness. That damn shy little girl who won’t heal, how annoying she is – or is she?

This year I had a breakthrough. A simple statement made by one lady delivered one of those blissful ‘Ah-ha!’ moments which removed the whole dilemma in seconds. And all she said was “It is your nature to be shy, it is who you are”… Wow!

It is not a wound that needs healing, or a conditioned response to my environment that needs re-educating, and nor is it a liability, block or obstacle. I have since been making friends with this part of me, I now look back in wonder at all the times I have attempted to murder her. This beautiful, sensitive, blushing aspect that serves me by guiding me away from situations that are too harsh, warns me when my ego is getting a little too carried away, and gives me the gentleness and humility to consider my overall needs as well as the needs of others. And far from being weak, this aspect has stayed strong and steady throughout all my attempts to kill her off. She has remained loyal regardless of my disapproval and continued rejection.

In reflecting on this one aspect, the shy-self, I have also recognised many other aspects that may appear to be negative, unwanted parts of myself and realised that each of them are here to serve. Some of them are a part of my nature, some are the results of wounding and conditioning, yet all of them serve my growth either directly or indirectly. Cynical-self, impatient-self, bossy-self, the list goes on, each help me either by containing my energy until it has grown sufficiently in wisdom to be released, or by increasing my wisdom and strength by giving me something to push against, to provoke me and motivate me to deepen my understanding of my own nature. The more we understand our own nature the more we can support others in understanding theirs. The more we can accept ourselves, the whole of ourselves, the more we can accept others, even the irritating parts of others that prickle and scratch at our skins.

It is no good trying to get children to play nicely when they simply do not like each other, and in the same way, we are never going to get warring aspects of ourselves to play nicely if we keep dividing them into groups of ‘acceptable/likable’ and ‘unacceptable/unlikable’. If we tune into those different parts of our nature, and those different layers of wounding, and embrace it all as a Divine gift, a tool that ensures our evolution, then we can resolve the inner conflicts that otherwise arise from trying to get rid of the parts we don’t like in favour of keeping the parts that are easy to accept. One of Yogi Bhajan’s well used quotes is “If we can’t see God in all, we can’t see God at all” and while this is largely used in the context of seeing God in others, it is also useful to remember that we too are reflections of that wonderful Great Spirit – If we can’t see God in every aspect of ourselves, we can’t see God in every aspect of others. If we desire to take part in resolving conflict out in the world then we need to revel in the peace of inner harmony that occurs with deep acceptance of self. Sat nam! <3

Amanda

"When I say, “Sat Nam Ji,” to you, I am saying, “Truth is your soul.” That is exactly what it means. ~Yogi Bhajan, July 27, 1996





There is always hope beyond the clouds
When dreams are shattered, shards scattered
Puncturing our hearts and minds and bodies
Falling into the illusion that all is lost

What's the point? Why bother? No one knows, no one truly cares!

Truly?
Not so...

It takes this pain, this wreckage and breakage
A long aching discomfort, a red inflamed irritation
It takes this experience of stripping away the falsehoods
For our truth to be revealed

Tearing away the shiney paper, bows and ribbons
To find the treat within, the gift
Discovering our gift so we can play and share

Sharing our gift to bring joy and hope into the world
Sharing our experience of the clouds closing in
The torment that touched us that forced us to win

Being this truth - beyond the clouds the rays of light shine eternal ♥

By Amanda Lyons