The last two or three weeks I have been at the receiving end of what I perceived as a lot of negative interactions. Just to name a few: rejection, being judged, lack of understanding, humiliation, attempt to discredit me, being lied to… I have been observing my reactions in these situations with great interest. Don’t misunderstand me, it still hurt my feelings and I still had the urge to hide under my duvet and cry. Not that there is anything wrong with hiding under the duvet and crying, but this time I decided to do things differently. Instead, I started to search my memory for situations when I was unkind to others and why I behaved the way I behaved. I discovered a whole range of reasons: feeling insecure; the fear of feeling worthless; fear of the different/unknown; fear of rejection; annoyance that the other person does not share my values, beliefs, opinion, or simply stress and a lack of time just to name a few…
This experience made me realise how easy it is to be insensitive towards the needs of others and take their dignity. At the same time it would take the same amount of energy and effort to leave them their dignity. It all lies in the power of communication. Instead of outright rejection, or inflating the ego to make the other person feel really small and worthless it is possible to acknowledge their needs and still politely decline their request. It is possible to respectfully disagree with an opinion but still offer the other person a safe space to have their opinion. Instead of scolding someone for what one perceives as a stupid question, it is possible to acknowledge that they might have a different background, whereby they don’t possess the same information/knowledge as we do. Just as there is no point in trying to force food into someone’s mouth who is dying of thirst, there is also no point in trying to force a piece of information or experience on someone who is not yet ready to hear it or experience it.
Currently all events seem to lead me back to these two sutras: “The other person is you and if you don’t understand through compassion you will misunderstand the times”.
The fear of feeling worthless is an illusion. Running away from our shadow is first of all useless, because it is attached to us. We can hide from the sun in order not to see our shadow, but we cannot get rid of it. Second, seeing our shadow gives us the opportunity to improve, it is a friend rather than a foe. The only way to rise above our polarities is to acknowledge both our light and shadow.
Yogi Bhajan once said:
“I am not interested in how off the point I am. The question is how soon I can make my point again. I am not interested in how stupid I am. I am interested in how wise I soon can be. I am not interested in how damaged I am, I am interested in how healthy I can be. I am not interested in how wrong I am, I am just interested in how soon I can be right.” © The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, June 29, 1987
With love and gratitude,
Ajeetdev Kaur
This experience made me realise how easy it is to be insensitive towards the needs of others and take their dignity. At the same time it would take the same amount of energy and effort to leave them their dignity. It all lies in the power of communication. Instead of outright rejection, or inflating the ego to make the other person feel really small and worthless it is possible to acknowledge their needs and still politely decline their request. It is possible to respectfully disagree with an opinion but still offer the other person a safe space to have their opinion. Instead of scolding someone for what one perceives as a stupid question, it is possible to acknowledge that they might have a different background, whereby they don’t possess the same information/knowledge as we do. Just as there is no point in trying to force food into someone’s mouth who is dying of thirst, there is also no point in trying to force a piece of information or experience on someone who is not yet ready to hear it or experience it.
Currently all events seem to lead me back to these two sutras: “The other person is you and if you don’t understand through compassion you will misunderstand the times”.
The fear of feeling worthless is an illusion. Running away from our shadow is first of all useless, because it is attached to us. We can hide from the sun in order not to see our shadow, but we cannot get rid of it. Second, seeing our shadow gives us the opportunity to improve, it is a friend rather than a foe. The only way to rise above our polarities is to acknowledge both our light and shadow.
Yogi Bhajan once said:
“I am not interested in how off the point I am. The question is how soon I can make my point again. I am not interested in how stupid I am. I am interested in how wise I soon can be. I am not interested in how damaged I am, I am interested in how healthy I can be. I am not interested in how wrong I am, I am just interested in how soon I can be right.” © The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, June 29, 1987
With love and gratitude,
Ajeetdev Kaur
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